The Earth is home to many interesting and beautiful species of animals. Each animal serves its purpose and somehow helps out its fellow creatures. Not mosquitoes though. Nope, these little flying nuisances serve zero purpose whatsoever. They don’t pollinate anything, they don’t do anything particularly majestic, and they don’t rid the Earth of invasive species. In fact, they are the invasive species.
A mosquito’s main goal is to survive, and at some point in life, make other mosquitoes. That’s literally it. The only explanation for having a creature on this planet whose sole purpose is to destroy is that they were created by our own government. The mosquitoes, “Skeeters” for short, were put on this planet during the Jefferson administration to control the American population. Sure, they are a food source for many animals but they also suck the life out of the greatest animals on the planet. Humans. I can’t go outside in the summertime without losing multiple pints of blood due to the excessive succ of the skeeters. It’s absurd. They tell me I just have “sweet blood” but I know they’re just out to get me.
The idea that the government is responsible for the creation of mosquitoes was widely met with skepticism, but local smart man and environmentalist Noah Lavelle had this to say, “I don’t know much about mosquiters so I did a little research and one summer they released 20 MILLION mosquitoes to REDUCE the population which, according to my singular brain cell left, still doesn’t make sense. So I guess the government could be involvington.” A take of a particularly hot temperature on top of an already hot take.
A take from the other end of the spectrum, the wrong side, came from local idiot Nolan Beans. “If you really think about it, mosquitoes are good for you” said Beans, “One of the best feelings on earth is scratching a mosquito bite and the mosquitoes provide me with said bites.” Now I know I’m supposed to concede to the other side of the argument, but this is just ridiculous. There was no fact-based evidence backing up his claim so please pay no mind to it.
The biggest takeaway from this article should be that we, as humans, need to unite against a common enemy. The mosquitoes need to go as soon as the government wises up and stops making those parasites. I think that if every human took time out of their day to kill ten mosquitoes each day, then we could easily rid them from the planet in two or three weeks.