For as long as I can remember, I have always felt trapped in my skin, wondering if I would ever find my way out. My journey began at the age of five. One day, I was at school playing with my friends, and all of a sudden something in me shifted without warning. I didn’t feel like myself anymore. When someone would call me “she,” I would begin to feel like I was falling down into a world of confusion because the gender label people perceived me to be isn’t what I felt within me. For many years, I thought it was just a phase, but as I grew up I began to realize I needed to do something about this hidden feeling of self-hatred. So, I began looking at resources to try and understand what was going on.

I found this YouTuber. They were talking about the word genderqueer. It was about how someone identified themselves without using male or female pronouns. Hearing the word “genderqueer” brought me to a big realization; I don’t have to choose my identity to make others understand. I just need to be my true self. But, that realization became a big downfall for a while because I felt like I couldn’t connect with anyone or talk to anyone about my situation. Nobody could relate to what I was going through. I began to feel really depressed. I thought I could deal with the pain by keeping it all inside, but keeping it in only began to make me feel more unworthy to be in this world.

The reason I’m telling my story is because I don’t want other people to experience the crushing pain I have felt all my life. Now that I’m a junior in high school, I’m beginning to realize that Holyoke High School needs more resources for LGBTQIA students. We can’t live in a world where we have no safety zone. Our school needs more classes that can teach kids who feel out of place about their sexual orientation or gender identity. We need classes that teach us how to cope and learn more about self-care and love. Our school also needs more gender-neutral bathrooms and changing rooms so that we have a comfortable place to be ourselves. We need a new reality because once we leave high school we will face a lot of new triumphs and downfalls that we need to know how to come back from. So, I’m asking you to please read this and help begin a new existence for people who are different.