Hello all and welcome back to Moriarty’s Monsters, where we explore the strange and deranged. This week have a goddamn dinosaur. Oh yes, that’s right- a freakin velociraptor ostrich bird. It’s none other than the legendary Cassowary.

This thing is a living monstrosity of pure hatred and ruthlessness. Cassowaries live in Australia and New Guinea and have been listed as the #1 most dangerous bird in the whole world. These ancient basilisks can reach over 6 and a half feet tall when standing, and over 130 lbs. Not only are these hell birds massive, but they also sport 6 inch talons which can rip you to ribbons.

These things don’t mess around. They will literally kill you in cold blood and not even care. Not only do these dino birds basically have short swords on their feet, but they can also jump up to 5 feet in the air. They can flying kick the crap out of you and there is nothing you can do about it. And see the crest on their head? It has no other use except to bludgeon worthless garbage like you to death. So after it flying kicks the living life out of you, it will not stop bashing your crippled body until you’ve stopped breathing. This things such a lawless psycho, it’ll probably keep abusing your lifeless corpse .

And want to know the twisted part of it all? Cassowaries eat mostly plants and berries. So that means natural selection and evolution gave it all these lethal deadly abilities just so it could beat the living crap out of anything that moves. How freakin messed up is that? They certainly don’t need knife nails for eating berries. So that means they have them to personally ruin your life.

Another fun fact. It’s been voted that death by Cassowary is the absolute worst way to die in the wild. So the next time you want to go on vacation and see all the “pretty” animals of Australia, just remember that the Cassowary is waiting for you.