Hello and welcome back to “Moriarty’s Monsters,” where we explore the strange and deranged.

This week we have something a little different. This thing is the cutest thing I have ever seen. This week we have the Pink Fairy Armadillo. This little gift of God is the reason I get up in the morning.

These little critters live in South America in dry grasslands. They spend most of their time digging up and eating any bug that moves.

These things are savages when it comes to digging. If they wanted, they could completely bury themselves underground in a matter of seconds. That means if you gave this thing a week it could probably burrow to the center of the Earth because it’s that freakin’ intense. They spend most of their lives underground because they don’t wanna deal with dumb idiot people like you. Another reason these divine armored dirt moles stay underground is so they can eat all the ants and roots they want.

Now you’re probabaly like, “Hey, these things aren’t as super metal as you make them out to be.” If you’re thinking that, then keep thinking scum bag because this “warrior hamster[‘s]”(Kassidy Lawrence) shell is made out of BLOOD. That’s right, this shell is made up of blood and blood vessels to regulate body temperature because it needs to calm itself down when it listens to the dumb garbage that comes from your mouth.

So next time you see this thing, you better run because it’ll dig a hole right through you beating heart.